I am not missing you.... [My feelings....]

It's about missing someone badly...and still denying it. It's about loving someone to your death, still denying about it. It's about Expressing your emotions. It's about loving someone so much, that you can't even stay one day without her/him.

You guys can imagine it on any couple you want....it can be viewed as your perspective....i mean like a wife writing to his husband, when he has gone out of station....a sister writing to her sister while she is away....or anything you wish for.....this is a letter...a letter expressing some intricate feelings of love....and how much the person does 'not miss' the other person...

 

15th March, 2011

Hey…

Hmm, well, I am writing this, just to let you know that I am so not missing you.

How can I miss you when I am so free? When you were there, I had to share my computer with you. And now I am free. It’s all mine. Everything is all mine! I am extremely happy to be able to get rid of you.

I am so happy that you are gone. Now you won’t be able to fight with me. I am happy that I don’t have to fight for various things with you. I mean, who cares about you? I am happy that I am all alone.

You know how much I love being alone. Now I can study peacefully. You aren’t there to disturb me, or open up the computer to distract me. You aren’t here to ask me to dance, without my consent. Thank God! I don’t have to bear up watching all your perfect moves.

I don’t have to feel insecure of you. I don’t need to feel like I am worthless. And yeah, I don’t have to bear your non-stop irritating thoughts too. I mean, who cares about you, anyways? You always just irritate me. So, I don’t care about you at all.

I am not at all missing you. How can I? You have only gone today. And I don’t even care about you. It’s just that, I don’t want you to cry for me. It’s so because of a fact that I am not missing you. And if you would cry, then your eyes would give you a burning sensation and you won’t be able to enjoy anything. But then, who cares about your eyes?

And if mother tells you that I was crying for you, then don’t believe her. She is just making up things. I was crying because I don’t know anything about my papers. I am just worried about my exams, and that’s why I am crying. Not for you. Why would I cry for you? I have my room all by myself!

I can rest on any side of the bed, without you telling me that it’s your room too. I can peacefully sleep on my side of the bed, without asking you to move back on your side and you telling me that the entire room if yours and you can lie on either side you like.

Just so you know I am not missing you. I can sleep peacefully, without worrying that you would shift on my side. And without waking up to check on you, whether you are still tucked up in the blanket or not. I don’t have to care about all these anymore. I don’t have to spoil my sleep for you.

Now that you have gone, I have my house, all to myself. I can eat anything I want, without saving anything for you. I can even hug your favorite hamburger style pillow, and you won’t be able to stop me. I can even dirty it and throw it on the floor. Now won’t be able to hug it when you sleep. I can do anything I please. I am free and I am alone. What else can I ask for?

Just to tell you, I am using your image as my mobile wallpaper. Not because I miss you and want to watch it when I cry, or to kiss my screen when I feel lonely, but it’s because I clicked this picture when you were not paying attention to me. I am so going to show this picture of you to everyone, and make fun of you. And you won’t be able to stop me.

And besides, I am so happy that you are gone for few days. Now I can keep things to myself, without you forcing things out of me. You won’t be there to ask me about my feelings and make me confess about them. And thank God, I got rid of you. Now I don’t have to hug you or console you, when you cry about some random people, who have hurt you. I don’t have to listen to the things you say.

You know what? I am happy that you are away for a few days. Now I don’t have to cry in front of you. You know how I hate to cry in front of anyone! And you always make me cry, by making me pour out my feelings or point of view about things. You know how I prefer to be silent and keep things to myself. And you! You always force things out of me, and make me feel light hearted.

Now you won’t be able to do that for a few days and I would be able to keep things to myself. I can keep my calm and be silent like always. I can go into my ‘non-caring’ mode and you won’t be able to force me to care. Now no one would be able to make me show my emotional and sensitive side to anyone. I can be hard and practical.

You won’t even irritate me and demand for things, when I am busy watching television or playing on computer. Now you won’t use me and my things. And my nail polishes are safe from you. You can’t use them until you return. And meanwhile, I can play with my computer. You won’t peek into my cupboard and ask for all the eatables inside.

I can keep my goodies inside and eat them alone. I don’t have to share them with you. I can eat them and you won’t be able to do anything. I can demand things from papa, and you won’t be able to ask for your share. It’s so nice that you are gone. I am not going to miss you at all.

There are so many things, which I can do, to prove you that I am not missing you. Not at all! But all the while, I am missing you. While writing that ‘I am not missing you’, all I can think is how much I miss you. All I want to do is, to cross the distance and come for you. I just wish to hug you till you sleep. I just wish to kiss you on your forehead and watch you change poses. All I want is, to tuck you properly in our blanket and ruffle you hair.

All I want is to irritate you. All I truly want is to fight with you. All I want is to have you sleep besides me. I just wish to kiss you softly on your cheeks and watch you change poses in your sleep. I know that you would never allow me to kiss you, when you are awake. You hate it. It’s just that, one day, I wish that you would be able to reciprocate the same feelings that I have for you.

I know that you are not going to miss me. Why would you? You would have the people of your age, surrounding you. You don’t even have to fight with anyone for anything. You must be happy to be there with people, who would give you anything you wish for.

I know you must be happy that you won’t have to do any work. I know that you might not want to come back again. Although I know how much you love me, still I want to hear it coming from your mouth. Although I know that you won’t miss me, I so wish that you miss me as much as I do.

And yeah, I won’t eat up all the things. Why would I? I know it’s you plan to make me get fat. You want me to look ugly and you to remain slim and beautiful. I won’t let that happen! When you would return, I would force you to eat them! I would force you to eat them all! Then you would get fat and I would become slim.

And yeah, about the pillow part, I so am going to hug it. I would hug it and won’t return it to you. Then you would cry for it! Serves you right, for leaving me alone. I would even hug your teddy when I sleep. And I would hide it and make you believe that you lost it. I would steal your things from your cupboard and you would never know that I stole them.

And this is your punishment for leaving me. And if you want to save your things from getting stolen, then return to me, immediately. I don’t care about anything! I would surely do that. It’s because I hate you. I hate you for leaving me alone.

And as much as I know that you love me and you are going to miss me, I am choosing to believe that you aren’t going to. It’s because I don’t want to be a part of your memories, but your reality. And despite knowing that you would return after 15 days or so, I am hurt and crying for you. Despite the fact, that you went today only, I am already missing you.

The room feels lonely without you. I am missing the part when you irritate me. Although I say, that I love silence and peace, this silence is killing me. I feel trapped and alone. I can’t seem to smile. You have to come back and return my smile. I hate being sensitive and to shed my tears in front of everyone, so you have to come back sooner, and wipe them off.

And despite saying that I hate the way you irritate me and make me pour out my heart, I am expecting you to come and make me blurt out everything. I miss being irritated by you. I miss being distracted by you. I miss being angered by you. I miss being made fun of. I miss your showing me off, whenever I try to hug you or kiss you.

Although I say that I am not missing you, the fact is that, I am missing you. Love you to my death. And I miss you. I truly do. Come back soon.

Missing you…already…

Hey...guys this is the oneshot i wrote for my sister....i know.....i know that it's unhealthy to miss someone that badly...i know that...but i can't help it.....can i?? And this was written the day she went to my nani's house....just on the same day...and today, after two days, i am still like that....

Published on my fb id - http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=189275117776669

And  yeah, i truly miss you sis...love you Aashi...just too much...

 

P.S. - All my works on I-F are under this link ... Dark Temptations