Sunday, July 01, 2012

To my Aashi...

Hmm… I am expected to write about you, huh?

What do you write about the person, for whom you live?

What can you write about the person... who matters the most in this world?

How can you explain, in words, the bond between two siblings?

Aise, I am excellent at describing anyone's feelings in words... But, try as I may... I suck when it comes to describing my feelings....

Phir bhi... it's worth giving a try. :P

Let's start with your looks:

You already know that you are the most beautiful girl in the entire world for me. 

You know how fida I am over your hair... 

You know how much I love your eyes... 

You know how much I always want to pull your cheeks... 

You know how great your height is... 

And how much I love the way you do nautanki and stuff.

The only one:

You are the only girl… whom I never scolded… even for breaking my precious childhood toys. Infact, I gave you more to break them.

You are the only girl who scolds me for wasting my pocket money in buying cosmetics... yet asks me to share them :P

You are the only girl who scolds me, when when I am already crying, saying that "Ab jab ro hi rahi ho toh yeh bhi sun lo..." :D

You are the only one… whose tantrums I tolerate. *poor me*

You are the only one… for whom I can give up my life.

You are the only one… who is the closer to me… than our parents.

You are the only one… who fight with me at very minute things and the next moment love me.

You show as if you don’t love me… say that you don’t love me… but then, your actions say otherwise.

You are the only one for whom, I can even commit murder. *remembers the guys she had beaten up for trying to mess with you* *sighs*

I hate the way:

I hate how you never let me cuddle with you. I do get the chance sometimes.

I hate when you don’t talk to me. Even though it’s my fault sometimes.

I hate the way we fight for small- small things. Yet, they make up for our life.

I hate the way you irritate me. Even though my day seems incomplete without that.

I hate the way you never let me kiss you. Even though I kiss you every night on your forehead.

I hate the way you make me do anything you like. But hey! I am not complaining.

I hate the way you always get things out of me, even when I am not ready to share them. But then, I feel very light afterwards.

Some random things that I like:

Whenever we fight, we say “Ab main tumse kabhi bhi baat nahi karungi.” And the next moment, we are like “Tumhe pata hai kya…”

Whenever we make stuff, we always want to share it with each other.

Whenever you try to grab my attention towards yourself, when I am reading a book or am on computer, you always say, “Sun bhi rahi ho? Yahi novel or computer tumhari duniya hai. Main toh kuch hun hi nahi.” Lol. You look tooooo cute. And trust me, I was listening. *exception novel case, coz you know I get lost in another world*

A confession:

You know what? When I was young and ma-papa told me that they were going to bring me someone to play with, I prayed to have a sister. I loved playing with dolls… so I prayed God for a live doll. I used to think that babies are kept in a showcase in the doctor’s cabin and papa would buy one for me. So, I used to pester him every day and tell him about my wishes. 

I used to tell him, “Papa, get one thing clear. I want a choti si baby jiske saath main roz roz khel sakoon. Uski pyaari pyaari do ankhein hongi aur woh bahut sundar hogi. Lekin main use kisi ke saath share nahi karoongi. Kabhi nahi.”

Yeah, right. I was very possessive for you, even before your birth. And you know how possessive I feel for you, even though you hate it. But kya karun bachcha? You are my deepest wish… how can I share you with anyone else?

When you were born, I thought I got everything. But NO, God had to test a child’s patience. Ma was very weak. She couldn’t take care of you and me both. So, naniji took you away with her for a year.

During that one year, I pined for you. I was just a kid… waiting for my sister… my only sibling… to come back to me. Each day, I used to ask papa about your return. Each day I used to fight with ma… because she sent you away. Each day I used to ask innocently, “Meri behen kab wapas aayegi?”

Everyone used to give me false hopes that you would come back the next day. Or that they would take me with you, if I eat this or that. I remember everything. They used to pacify me with gifts and chocolates. But nothing… nothing could replace your image from my mind.

In my small little world, you were a gift… a blessing to me… which was taken away by naniji. You won’t believe how much I hated naniji for that. Yeah, I used to cry and say, “Main ab naniji se kabhi baat nahi karungi. She took you away from me.”

Then the time came... when I met you after months of torment. I went inside naniji’s house and immediately asked about you. I didn’t even hug my family members. I went inside to catch a glimpse of you. The first sight of yours, took my breath away.

How can I forget a white skinned, with two ponies on her head, girl? You were wearing a blue denim wib-frock. You were as pretty as one could be. You were scribbling on paper… making lines on the card.

When I tried to hug you, you cried. My heart broke into thousand pieces. I went away in another room and started crying loudly. When everyone wanted to pacify me, I told them that I would never talk to them for snatching away MY sister.

But then they explained that it would take time for you to accept me. I don’t know how I understood that. But I knew, if patience was the thing that would bring you to me, so be it. I wanted you in my life… more than anything else. And with as much patience a child can have, I got you back.

When you came back, I never let anyone touch you. I was always like, “Yeh meri behen hai. Sirf meri.” I used to cuddle with you, make you sleep properly and take care of you. You were just like my own doll… and I loved to care for you and fend for you. I felt happy when you looked at me with those huge innocent eyes, lying in my lap.

Initially, I was also very insecure. You know why? It was because… I was a very pampered girl. I got all the attention from my parents, our taujis and taijis, as poore ghar mein… I was the only child, after years. So, when you came, I had to share everything with you. Including my parents. 

This made me a little insecure and very jealous of you. I was papa’s princess. I was ready to share everything except my papa-mummy. But I had to. I learnt that you had equal rights over them like me.

Even when I was insecure, I loved you in my own way. I loved you like a kid. You still are my bachcha for me. And I would always protect you… no matter how much you hate that. I am always going to be possessive of you... and for that, I can only ask you to co-operate.

I love the way:

I love the way you make me smile… even when there are tears in my eyes.

I love the way you scold me hard… whenever I do something bad.

I love when you call me ‘Di’…. Cause that makes me feel special.

I love how we share a blanket and cuddle in the cold.

I love how you share EVERYTHING about your life with me… making me feel blessed.

I love when you get jealous with my novels and computer. Lol.

In the end:

Okay, I know this one was quite long, still… I have soooo many things left to say.

And I even know your reaction. You are gonna say, “So cheesy :P”

Chal, so I won’t say much more… won’t take up much of your time. As you already know how special you are to me… how precious you are for me. And I won’t leave any chance to show you that.

Before closing this short summary on my feelings for you, and yes, it is short for only God knows how many pages will fill up before I try to write a brief about my feelings for you, let me say one last thing.

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1) Highlight The Numbers
2) Press Ctrl and f.. all numbers will be silverized
3) Leave ctrl + F and Press 9 and that's what I wanna say... <3

- Your and only yours, Mahak Di <3

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