Mayank was still trying to talk to me. I didn't know why, but even after giving him so much of pain, he couldn't avoid talking to me. I wanted to know the reason for it so I confront him. And the reason he told me shocked me beyond words. He told me that he loved me! How it happened? Well it took place when I was in canteen.
I was waiting for Gunjan for the final assessment of our plan. I was waiting when I saw Mayank coming towards me. The look on his face said it all! It meant that he wanted all the answers. But what should I do now? Oh man! I am so stuck! He would immediately catch me if I try to tell a lie and if I don't, then Gunjan would be hurt. What to do? Both of my friends were at each side! I can't possibly do anything.
But I need to deal with my bestie first. If I may add, then I want to say that I missed him like hell. I wanted to go and hug him and tell him that I missed talking to him. He came close to me and held my hand. I wanted to tell him the truth but I had to act. I said, "Mayank leave my hand. I don't want to talk to you." I was about to go when I saw that he was still holding my hands. What to do now? Did I have any escape?
Mayank made me turn and I saw that his eyes were red. Mayank and crying? No ways! He is a strong boy who never cried in front of me except when I got hurt and he said that he couldn't see blood of anyone.
Mayank said, "Nupur why are you doing this to me?" I knew this was coming, but I wasn't at all prepared for this. I hated lying but I had heard that one lie that is told for someone's good, counts more than 100 truths. And I knew that this was for my best friend Gunjan. She was a sister to me.
I said, "Mayank, what am I doing? I am not interested in talking to you." I lied and it did hurt me. Somewhere I felt the pain more than I could say anything. Something was stabbing my heart but I refused to bulge in. I wish I could understand that I liked Mayank that time. I could feel Mayank's pain in my heart. And that's what it was about. I felt guilty of hurting him, but I didn't want to accept that. I used to think that Gunjan was dearer to me than Mayank. But the truth was, I liked Mayank [as a friend] more than anyone.
I saw that Mayank held my hands. It pained me but it was nothing compared to the pain I saw in his eyes. What was that for? Well, I got to know that soon. Mayank tightened his grip on my hands and I was a little bruised by that. I said nothing because I am not a girl who cries for physically hurt, but I only cry if I am emotionally hurt. So let it be the case. But Mayank noticed that his hands had left a blue print on my wrists.
That moment I saw my Mayank back. The soft look in his eyes came back. I could feel repentance in his eyes. I could feel how sorry he was for that act. Although he was never a calm boy, he had anger. But he never ever showed his anger on me!
Kaisa woh pyaar tha jisk liye yeh dil bekaraar tha? Kaisa woh pyaar tha joh itna nadan tha? Kaisa woh pyaar tha joh sabse alag tha? Kaisa woh pyaar tha jise maine kabhi nahi jaana? Kaisa woh pyaar tha joh sab sehke bhi mujhse pyaar karta raha? Kaisa woh pyaar tha ki chahe dard main doon, meri chot par use dard hota tha. Kyun woh pyaar tha? Kaisa woh nishchal pyaar tha? Kaisa woh pyaar tha? Akhir kaisa?
I could see everything in his eyes. I could feel love in his eyes. Wait….love? Why am I seeing love in his eyes? It can't be possible that he loves me. Or is it possible? Well, I got to know that answer pretty soon.
I was touched by the touch of his hands against mine but I jerked his hands off. I said, "Don't dare to touch me. I thought you were my friend and cared for my feelings, but I was wrong. You told you never to defend me and hurt yourself because it hurts me. So now stay away from me. You have hurt me a lot."
Mayank held me hands by force and asked me, "Why does it hurt you to see me in pain?
I had no reply for this. I was confused. Yup, why did it really hurt me to see him in pain? But it is friendship! I tried to reason it out to myself, but still my answer was not satisfactory. Somehow, I too don't know that why does it hurts me most when he is hurt.
I tried shrugging off his hands from my hands. I said, "Because I care for you. You are my friend and it hurts me to see you hurt. I can't see you sad. I don't want any harm coming to you." He smiled and I must tell you that I love his smile. But I snatched it from him forever. He said, "Why? What would you do if I was in a problem?"
I stared at him for this non-sense question! Wasn't it obvious? I said, "I would try to save you from that." Mayank again smiled, this time irritating me. He asked, "What if, saving me means getting yourself in trouble? What would you do then?" I stared at him for three whole seconds. I mean was he testing me or something? I said, "Then too I would help you. So what if I get into trouble? Atleast that won't hurt me more than seeing you hurt."
Mayank looked at me and smirked. I was confused but then he gave me his you-said-it-all look. Then it hit me! I was ready to do the same thing he did. Oh! I am such a hypocrite! What am I to do now? How to tell him now? What about Gunjan? Oh God! Help me please! Before I could say anything, he said, "So, that's what I did! What was my fault?"
I had no answer to his question. But I didn't have to reply anything to him. Mayank said, "Nupur, look I know that you were acting that you are angry at me, so that Gunjan and I could spend time together. I can't feel anything for Gunjan at all. I know you want me to love Gunjan, but it is not Gunjan whom I love, it is You."
Now I was hell surprised. I gaped at him. Love? What the hell was he talking about? Thousands of emotions passed through me. How could he love me? I stared in his eyes and asked, "Love? Mayank, really? I mean you love me? As in 'love' me?"
He smiled and said, "Well, I never thought that I would have to confess it so soon, but I guess that its time. Yes, I love you Nupur. I love you a lot. You don't even know how much I was craving to tell you this. I so wanted to get this out for once, but I didn't wanted to risk my friendship due to my feelings. You don't even realize that how many times I have tried to show my love for you." I was speechless and words refused to come in my mouth.
Mayank continued and said, "I am a sports champion. You know that I always win the match. But do you know why I loose in dotch ball? It's because I can't hurt you ever. I know that it's supposed to be a game, but how can I hurt the person whom I love, with the ball? I loose along with my team because the girl's team always have you in the middle. And I can't afford to hurt you ever. And maybe that's why I can't see you in pain. As soon as I see you in the middle, I ask the boys to give me the ball, and being a sport captain they have to give me the ball. Even when I try to make my point someone else, they try to hide behind you and I have to lose the game. I can't hit you because it would pain me more than you."
I was shocked to know this. But before I could even comprehend anything, he said, "Why are you so stupid Nupur? Can't you see the love I have for you in my eyes? I mean are you seriously that blind? Remember when you got bruised in the dotch ball by one of my friends? Remember you had asked me why I was having tears in my eyes while bandaging your hand and I replied that it's because I can't see blood. Couldn't you ever think that why did I had tears? It was not the blood which I couldn't see; it was your pain which I couldn't see. That little bruise was paining me rather than you."
Now I could see where he was going. He loved me! He loved me to this depth? How could he? I mean I didn't even deserve his love. I am such a silly girl. What could he have seen in me? I was speechless and unable to say a word. I just looked up at him. He smiled politely at me and then asked me, "Remember when you told me about your first story? Remember that?"
He was asking it, but when had I forgotten it? It was the first time I had felt so great and encouraged. He was the one who gave me the inspiration to write more. He made me reach the height at which I am today! I replied meekly, "Yup, I do remember."
Mayank smiled at me and said, "When you told me the story, I loved it. I could relate to it and I told you that one day you would become a writer in eyes of many people. I told you that you would become inspiration of many people and you blushed and took it lightly. I loved how you described the essence of love without even falling into it. I loved it when you told me that story first. I loved when you said that I am the first one to hear it. I felt proud and happy."
He paused before he said, "I loved that story because I loved the way you showed innocent childhood love in that one. I was perplexed how you can describe about an emotion you never felt. I was in love with you, so I could totally relate to it and understand how the boy must have felt when the girl couldn't understand his feelings. You were the girl to me in that story. But I always wondered how could you write so deeply and so beautifully? You told me that you don't believe in this love crap, but tell me that then why do you want me to unite with Gunjan? Do you have any idea how much it hurts me? Do you know how much I love you?"
I was at a loss of words. How could someone love anyone to this depth? Kaisa woh pyaar tha? How much? I need to go out of this place. I have to go. I can't stand here and hear him say! I HAVE to go! I knew that it was wrong to leave him there, but it was for his betterment. I can't love anyone. I am not supposed to love anyone.
I turned around and started to move out of the room. But he turned me around and said, "You can't go anywhere Nupur. You have to hear me out." I was on the verge of tears. I knew that I couldn't hear anymore. I said, "Just leave me Mayank! For God sake! Just leave me alone. Why don't you let me go?"
He seemed to pause for a moment and started moving out. But Mayank suddenly held my shoulder and said, "That's because I love you Nupur. I love you a lot." While I froze at my place, dumb and shocked. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He couldn't possibly love me. I told him, "Mayank, this is just an infatuation. Love can't happen at this age."
I could see anger in his eyes. With gritted teeth, he said, "You are so stubborn." I looked a pretty bit afraid of his anger, and he seemed to sense that. He calmed himself and said, "Oh! So you think that love can't happen in this age. But let me tell you that love has no age. It can happen in any age! Love is a feeling of completeness and I feel complete with you. Love is the strongest emotion which makes you do anything for your beloved. I can do anything for you."
I looked up at his eyes and saw love in them. How could he possibly love me? Why me? I desperately wanted to cry, but I couldn't. If I cry, I make sure that nobody can see or even feel that I am crying. I make sure that nobody can even guess that I am terribly sad. Because I just don't want anyone to care for me and realize that behind this strong Nupur, there is a sensitive and very fragile girl hiding. But I used to be free with Mayank. And now I couldn't even cry in front of him.
I knew that I didn't want to say anything to him. I knew that I was being a coward but I didn't want to hurt his feelings ever. But I knew that I had to say something atleast. I just opened my mouth and told him, "Mayank, honestly, this is just too much for me. I need time to think about it. We would always be friends. But I am sorry, I just don't love you." And I ran away from the cafeteria, but I could see Mayank broken on his knees. I wish I had stopped to console him. I wish I hadn't run away from him. I wish that I had accepted his love. I wish that I hadn't done what I did to him. I knew that I should have had been with Mayank, but I just ran away. It was just too much for me. Selfish, I am.
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Sorry for the lack of precap. I haven't written it as such.
I hope that you enjoyed this one, cause i surely did. Till i write up the next part, keep waiting :)
To tell you all the truth, the next part will be a little shorter but it would cover up the entire past, and the update after the next, would cover the present. All the situations are based on past, but now, this story would directly go to present and tell the readers that to whom was she narrating her story. What happens, is so different. You guys are in for a shock.
And yeah, there are only 2 to 3 parts left, with an epilogue.
After this update, i guess i deserve a comment or so.
Please comment and leave me a review :) Remember, that i am waiting for them <3
love,
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