When dreams shatter….
I don't know what to say. I really don't know what to feel. There is numbness and quietness in me. I am trying to find some inner peace and I am ready to give up everything to become what I was. Gunjan is my sister, but I am not that happy for her. Why? It was my dream to be there instead of her. But now I don't know why, but I don't want anything. I have no more dreams left to see. I always wanted to become a heroine in a movie or so. But today, Gunjan bagged that role instead of me. Its not that I am not happy for her.
It's just that I have no more dreams in my eyes now. What to see? The thing that I hate is that I couldn't even try. But I am happy as a sister should be. I am confused regarding my emotions. I was the one to provoke Gunjan to say a yes for that. But I am the one who is feeling sad. It's because I am happy as a sister but sad as a human being. This is my life. I am so confused. I am having a huge pain in my heart. Too much of pain. I really am confused so as now what to dream. All my dreams have shattered. But I am happy for my sister. But it's not easy to see your dream being fulfilled by someone else in front of your own eyes and you can't really be sad. It's really difficult to smile when you are not actually happy!
I saw Mayank coming my way. He is the only person who knows me in and out. He can understand my gestures and I can do the same for him. He is the one with whom I can share everything without the actual need of saying it. I knew that this time he is the only one who can understand me. I went towards him and without a word he understood everything.
Mayank: Nupur, tum theek ho?
I knew I would be caught if I tried to tell a lie. I wanted his comfort right now and he knew that. His eyes showed nothing but truth and comfort. Atleast he wasn't showing sympathy! Because usually people show sympathy with me for this. I mean I am not dead or lost something that big! Do I? I am confused.
Nupur: haan Mayank, mujhe kya hoga?
But I knew he understood what I was feeling. I knew that. And I knew what he wanted to imply by his words. I knew he won't say anything but only I had to continue what I was saying. Cause he was waiting….waiting for me to say. But right now I wasn't in a mood to continue….or rather I was perplexed what to say? So he initiated the conversation again.
Mayank: Nupur. Neil ko dekho. Kaun soch sakta tha ki who itna kamyaab banega? Par usne apni life mein ek goal set kar kiya tha aur isiliye who aaj itna kaamyaab hai. Is bheed mein hamne apne sapne kahin kho diye na? aakhir ham karma kya chahte the? Hamare sapne kya the?
This was his indirect question with a direct motive. I knew him too well. And this time I really couldn't stop myself from being open to him. He can read me as an open book. But it was his right to ask anything and know me. He is my husband and my soulmate to be precise. I wanted him to share my pain with.
Nupur: Mayank, mujhe samajh mein nahi aa raha ki kya yahi sapne dekhe the maine? Mera toh bachpan se sirf ek hi sapna tha. Lights, camera, sab kuch toh hai mere saamne. Par who mere jitna paas hai…utna hi door hai. Mayank mujhe toh samajh mein hi nahi aa raha hai ki main aur kya banna chahti hoon? Main toh hamesha se hi sirf ek heroine banna chahti thi. But today al my dreams have shattered. Aur mujhe bura is baat ka lag raha ki mujhe ek chance bhi nahi mila.
He looked at me with some concern and ease in his eyes. It wasn't sympathy but an expression which read i-will-be-forever-with-you-by-your-side. I knew that expression well. For Mayank, gestures and actions spoke more than words. I had seen that expression whenever I needed it.
Mayank: Nupur, aisa nahi hai. Tumhara bhi koi na koi doosra sapna toh zaroor hoga. Har kisi ka hota hai. Par baat yeh hai ki hum unhe bhool jaate hain. Hum sirf un sapno ko yaad rakhte hain jinse hame khushi milti hai….but we forget the dreams we need to see for our future. Hummein se kitne log singer banna chahte honge…kyunki singing unhe khushi deti hai. Par unmein se bante kitne log hain? Par kya who niraash ho jaate hain? Nahi. Who aage badhte hain…..aur sapne dekhte hain aur who bante hain joh who shuruvaat se banna chahte the. Nupur, Gunjan ko chance mila kyunki uske andar ek hidden actress thi kyunki uske aanson asli the. Neil ko bas who actress dikh gayi.
I knew he was giving me wisdom. But this moment I only understood what he was saying but not at all grasping it.
Nupur: Mayank, but my dreams are shattered. Ab main aur kya sapne dekhoon?
Mayank: Nupur, according to me, [actually, according to me] when dreams shatter, it doesn't mean that you need to stop dreaming. It means that you need to dream more and even try to fulfill it. When dreams shatter, you must dream more dreams and think about your abilities. Sometimes, we dream according to our ability but we have more abilities. When dreams shatter, its time to search yourself and check for your other abilities, and work on them. And that's why its said that, everything happens for our own good. Aur ho sakta hai ki tummein aisa kuch talent ho jjiske bare mein tumhe khud bhi pata na ho. Tabhi toh tumne talent parade mein khud ko prove kiya, academic meet mein bhi prove kiya and class mein second aayi! Kya tumne kabhi socha tha ki tum kabhi bh second aaogi? Par us waqt tumne khud mein ek vishwaas jagaaya aur tumne use kar dikhaya.
I understood what he was saying and I was mentally prepared to search myself now. But I needed something this time. I guess he understood what I wanted most right now. And that's why he pulled me in for a hug. That hug was of assurance more than love. I knew he wanted to keep me safe in his arms forever. He wanted to hold me and assure me that no matter what, he was there for me. I couldn't help when a lone tear escaped my eyes. But he caught it before it could even fall on the ground and said the most pleasing words to my ears.
Mayank: Nupur, I love you.
These words couldn't be more pleasant to me than today. I think that in love, we need not say it again and again that we love, but we must say the words when we need it. This time he knew I needed it. And those words seemed to me equally magical when I had first felt during the stage confession. It had rained then and we were almost nervous due to post confession trauma. But this time, the words held so much deeper impact on me.
Nupur: I love you too Mayank. Maine pakka pichle janam mein koi punya kiye honge joh mujhe tum jaisa pati mila. I love you so much.
I didn't forget to add my nautanki style to make him smile. He wanted me to be secure and keep me happy, and so did i. I loved to kiss him for showing me his cute dimples which were meant only and only for me. I knew this. And I loved how he consoled me when my dreams were shattered. His simple words like "I love you" were enough for me to ease my pain. He always makes me realize that yes, I am someone to him. I mattered to him…and this mattered to me a lot. Now I had no problem in seeing Gunjan acting. Because I knew Mayank was besides me always.
i hope u like this......actually this came out to be bigger than i thought it would be.....but do comment plz......its all my imagination.....and i hope that i like it.....plz do comment....