Sunday, August 21, 2011

Being A Mother...




Being a mother…

I nestled him in my arms. His little body curled up in my arms. He is so delicate, like a china doll. He is my bundle of joy. He is a part of my body…a symbol of our love. No woman can ever be complete without being a mother. And today, I am feeling complete.

When he opened his tiny eyes, there was a twinkle in his eyes. He smiled up at me and I felt that I became the luckiest woman in the whole wide world. His soft, fragile fingers wrapped around mine. He got me wrapped in his little finger as soon as he is born.

I can’t describe how I felt, when his lips curled up at me. It felt like magic. After being in an operation theatre for five hours groaning in pain for my baby to come out, the joy that I felt on seeing him made me forget everything else. 

The pain was nothing when compared to the happiness I got when I saw him. My baby was here after all. I have been waiting for him since nine months, and he finally came. I even don’t remember the pain I went under this period.  For me, all that matters is, he is here.

I softly kissed his forehead and his cheeks. His skin was far more delicate than I imagined. There were tears in my eyes. I felt inexpressible joy surge through my body. I kissed his soft ankles and little hands. It seems difficult to believe that he is real.

I rocked him back and forth. I felt the most heavenly feeling, when I saw him smile. I felt my heart leaping up. How could he make me feel immense joy in this painful condition? How could he tug at my heart strings?

I told him, “You know what? I love you baby. I love you more than anyone else in this world. I am going to protect you. And don’t you worry; I would fulfill all your demands. But please forgive me if I ever scold you for being naughty. I would only do this for your own good. Your mama loves you.”

I took a deep breath and continued, “You know what? My mother was right. She always said that a mother always cares for her child, irrespective of the harsh behavior. And it’s true. I love you so much that I can never think about anything but your welfare. You are a piece of my heart. I promise you that I would always try to understand you and be a good mother.”

I covered his entire face with my affectionate kisses. I caressed his fragile body with my fingers. I touched him as softly as I could. When I felt him looking lost, I understood his needs. I wondered how I could understand his sign language, so fast. 
How could I understand his needs? How could I hear him, without any words? Is this a gift of God to every mother?

I fed him, and I felt immense joy in that. I covered his head with my hands, to protect him from world’s bad eye. I felt the sudden urge to protect him from everyone else. No one had the right to touch him, except me. No matter what, I am always going to protect him.

After hearing his tiny burp, I placed him in his wooden cradle. Although I knew that he is safe, I surrounded him by pillows just in case he jumps out of his cradle. I know that this is foolish, but I can’t help myself.

I was busy thinking about his soft touch, when I heard him crying. I felt my heart break into two. My baby was crying! I felt tears budding in my eyes. Have I hurt him? Is he unhappy due to me? Does he want more milk? Does he want to sleep? Does he want to talk to me? Does he want to hear a story?

I gently picked him up and saw his mischief. My baby had dirtied his nappy. It was for the first time in my life, that I didn’t even run away from the sight of potty. I didn’t mind cleaning him. It was like; I found him adorable even when he wasn’t cleaned.

And then I understood the most basic thing: a mother finds her baby adorable, no matter what. No matter what the baby does, a mother always forgives, forgets and yet loves him unconditionally. For a mother, her baby is the most precious of all.

Then suddenly, a nurse came into view and said, “Ma’am, I need to change the baby’s nappy.”

She took him away from my hands. I felt a sudden feeling of anguish and possessiveness. How could she just barge in and take away my baby? Who is she to hold him? I am alive to change my own baby’s nappy! I can endure the pain of walking for him. 

I can endure almost anything for him. I just gave him birth and that pained a lot more than walking. When I tried to get up, she sensed my worry. She made me lie down again.

She said, “You have just given birth. You can’t move from your bed for next 24 hours. Please co-operate. Don’t over-exhaust yourself. I am not taking your baby away.”

When she held him, I felt fear. What if she hurts him? What if she puts him down? What if she can’t handle him? What if her hold on him is tight and he feels pain? He won’t be able to do anything but cry! A wave of horror went through me.

“Please handle him carefully.” I instinctively said.

The nurse smiled up at me. She gently placed him in his cradle and took out his nappy. She cleaned him and changed him. 

She said, “Don’t worry. It’s our daily job. You can stop worrying.”

I smiled at her and said, “I know that you handle babies every day. But he is my life. And I have to worry. I am just being his mother.”

Published Here: Being A Mother [I-F]

Okay, this is not something of my usual genre. I just tried writing this down. I know I can never do justice with such delicate emotions, but I really tried.

This was just a achieve a bigger milestone in my writing. This was something...I needed to write down. To prove myself to myself. This was a challenge I had to face. This was something I wrote....not only for myself, but for my friends and readers.

Everyone has asked me that how can I explain and define love so deeply and beautifully [their words, not mine] when I haven't experience it yet. Many a times, I have been subjected to a lot of questions about love...'what is love'...'how can you describe love so beautifully'....'are you seriously not in love'...'you are lying, cause no one can describe love in such depth without feeling it'...etc etc.

And I literally had no answer to those innumerable questions. What to say? I myself didn't believed in my writing capabilities, and thought that whatever I write is plain crap...it doesn't makes sense...etc etc. Not anymore. Today, I realized something about my writing. Yeah, late, but better late than never.

I realized that as a writer, I can feel those emotions which are unknown to me in real life. I always kept myself at the character's place and wrote the whole scene, but never realized the symbolic meaning behind it. This one-shot proves that I can write and describe emotions, without feeling the need to actually feel them. So, next time anyone asks me if I have ever felt the specific feeling I described, I would gladly say 'yes, but as a writer'.

Please leave a review if you ever manage to go through this one-shot. I really wanna know your point of view on it.

Thank you.


Sincerely,



17 comments:

  1. God Mahi! You are simply terrific! Only YOU can write something like this...it was soo...unique and motherly. It was really very touching.

    And regarding that answer, I guess, even I got it. Even I wondered how could you write about love when you never felt it. Now I know.

    You are simply God-gifted. I wonder how can you write about the feelings you have never ever felt in your life.

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  2. Real Nice One-shot Mahak...Needed this soo much :)
    and what an insight ! Amazing writing :)

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  3. @Anchal - Rehene de tu toh...tumhe bas hamari tareef karne ka bahana chahiye.

    But thank you. Tujhe pata hai? I-F par bhi people loved it...and i am shocked!

    Thanks yaar...maybe becoz i am emotional, i can connect to emotional things. Maybe.

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  4. @Harsh Sir- Thank you :)

    I am glad that you liked it :) I was really hoping that I do justice to it...and now i think i did :)

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  5. yes u are right. you're welcome :)

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  6. Mahak, I was so pleased to read your one shot after reading your note. I am glad to see you branching out in your writing, trying things that maybe would bring failure BUT in truth failure is not blameworthy unlike failing to try.

    I agree about writing about things that we may have never felt. The human experience is so vast in scope, so deep and so personal, we all know hurt, we all know pain and we have felt love BUT it is specific so I may know how you feel but not precisely, not intimately. Your talent as you rightly conclude comes from understanding the general and granting it life, it depth through suffusing it in the personal that you, yourself, have already come to know AND as I said, the human experience is so vast that no one can say that it is impossible to feel a certain way, who really knows. If the human heart can conjure a thought then surely it is capable of feeling it too.

    From one of my favourite cartoon shows, ATBG, a young girl writer writes something beautiful and very profound but also slightly sad inciting concern from elders. She protests that she isn't the sad girl in the poem but people question how she can write about a subject unknown to her. Her mother isn't concerned though and I love her reply, she tells the girl that she knows who she is, a girl full of empathy and that is why is able to write so well about things that may not plague her but have affected her nonetheless.

    Enough deviation, let us turn to your OS.

    I loved the use of the word 'nestled' for it evokes a relation, or connotation to nesting, to birds and how they care over their young.

    Then that excellent contrast, 'china doll' something imitating something priceless, seeking its precious quality through being fragile BUT it can never be the same. A baby's vulnerability is incomparable for a china doll may be replaced, swept up and forgotten if broken BUT a baby, it is as I say, incomparable. An excellent choice of imagery, that speaks much about your talent. Then to 'bundle of joy' combining the physical sight with that spiritual happiness felt, wonderful. Finally you layer it delicately with 'symbol of our love' which I really liked, for it adds much without taking away from the precise mother-child picture that you have weaved.

    Speaking as a spinster, I would agree that though there are many emotions can make one a single life valid, the human experience is one of sharing. That my life is deficient because I would never be able to feel those feelings that are between husband and wife, or mother and child, which feelings are incomparable to those that I may seek all by myself. It is fact, I can not fight it though I must accept it.

    I loved the twinkle in his eyes, for of course that twinkle is her own reflection, hinting at that love he sees in her eyes, which he reciprocates, and so a symbiotic relationship is formed. I loved, just loved how you added a humourous note, He got me wrapped in his little finger as soon as he is born' adding detail to the characterization but also expanding your writing as well, finely done.

    Again the manner you detail the universal human experience, that some pain is fleeting for the happiness is brings in the aftermath, that somehow suffuses back in time, and numbs all hurt away, all harshness softened so that we are left in a position to even try again. : ) However by narrating it in a personal and specific way you illuminate this human trait in a manner than ALL, even men, may understand it. Excellently done.

    I loved how you brought in the circle of life aspect through her remembering her mother, a worthy note and very cleverly done.

    'and saw his mischief.' Wonderfully penned.

    Then that final chapter you orchestrate to illuminate those sentiments in your final line.

    Mahak an exceptionally written piece with many layers, depth and insight. I loved reading it.

    With love, Sabah

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  7. @Sabah- I have no idea what to comment or reply to you. I don't think i can describe the immense joy i have felt after reading your review. Or the blush on my cheeks... or the satisfaction i felt.

    Or should i comment on how much loved i felt? How i felt that this was written by someone else and not me? Or how i felt gratified?

    Or should i comment on how your comments make me feel special and brings a HUGE smile on my face, irrespective of the situation? Or about the twinkle in my eyes?

    Well, i wud...just later. Abhi I am lost in a fantasy world...where i am a good writer..and you the best reviewer ever!

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  9. It was wonderful..

    U know many of us have so many emotions, feelings and thoughts going through our mind. But the most difficult part is to express them through any media.
    And u r wonderful in expressing them in words.
    The thing which makes u different from others is simplicity.
    Keep writing and experimenting.

    Thanks,
    Ayesha
    :)

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  10. @Ayesha- Thank you...glad you found it wonderful.

    Yeah...kai baar we go thru so many emotions and thoughts. And i knw...how difficult it is to express them thru any media.

    Aww..thank you.. I am very happy that you think that I am successful in expressing them thru words. Yeh shabd hi toh hai...jo mujhe har pal jeetne ka hausla dete hain :)

    Thank you. I am a very simple girl. Maybe that's why, all my works are simple and not some web of fancy words. :D

    I would always keep writing and experimenting, as long as you keep commenting :)

    Thank you. :)

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  11. Well i can assure u that one day the whole world wud knw u ...
    ... And ... I want to see if u can write somthing unreal like bout som action , horror or fantasy ... Just giv it a try ... Cuz u can feel the character's souls and fill ur words with them ... So u can write a masterpiece bettr than twilight or harry potter ... Just give it a try ... :-) this is a challenge nt a plea ... :-P

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  12. @Shan- Aww... that's so sweet of you to say. I hope so. *wishful thinking*

    Hmm... fantasy? Trust me, I tried that. Succeeded. Felt bored. Left it.

    I became realistic, a little. So I left fantasies.. and I am no longer looking for them :)

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  13. well then where's that fantasytic story ... i mean that fantasy u wrote ...

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  14. @Shan- Well, it was written on a piece of paper, for my school assignment... I did it fairly well, secured 99% marks coz grammar mein full marks are not allowed. :P So, i don't have a track of it now.

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