Tuesday, August 09, 2011



Confused about the numb pain in my heart,
This pain leaves me in the world of dark.
I am confused so as to what I do,
Is this thing talking me to my doom?

Why this pain did come in my heart,
What this pain is trying to impart.
Why am I confused to as what to do?
Why I sit idle suddenly out of the blue?

I am confused as what to choose,
Confused regarding the conflicting views,
I don’t know what to think,
Time changes in a single blink.

What do I really want from my life?
Just to become someone’s wife?
I want to do something in my life,
But for that I need to strive.

I love to write no matter what,
But in studies I am caught.
What to do and what not,
I need to think and think a lot.

I am confused about the numb pain in my heart,
This pain leaves me in the world of dark.
I am confused regarding what to choose,
And confused regarding the conflicting views.

My heart says something and brain something else,
My career is at stake and with it I have dealt.
I need to choose between my passion and my career,
This thing leaves me in a pool of tear.

I am confused of whom to listen,
This thing makes my eyes glisten.
I am getting tired of everything lately,
This confusion is affecting me greatly.

My parents have some expectations from me,
They say nothing but I can see,
How much they have expected from me,
This confusion stings me like a bee.

I am confused so as what to do,
I want to ask from the winds that blew.
Everything is bent on creating confusions for me,
My heart is torn apart only for me to see.

I am disgusted with the fact of being told every time,
I am tired of saying that this life is mine!
I am fed up of being scolded on every small mistake,
I agree that life is not a tasty cake.

I know that smooth roads never make a good driver,
But why do life teaches us to be a striver?
Don’t we own the right to enjoy?
Am I just a mud toy?


That's it for today.

This was written on 10th March, 2010 and I had no idea what to do. At one side, I wanted to do something practical, like becoming a doctor and saving lives. On the other side, I wanted to be happy, like becoming a writer. So, I was literally confused.

At one side, I wanted to be happy...truly happy and make something out of my life. On the other side, I had to be practical, differentiate between my passion and my career and make the right choice. So, this poem is exactly what I felt back then. 

In our life, at some point of time, we need to make the right choice. It comes to us where we have to decided about our career. According to me, career should be something you enjoy, or you can never be truly happy.

Like, George Bernard Shaw, in his famous play 'Pygmalion' said, "Happy is the man who can make a living by his hobby." This line has stuck with me and has been a guiding light to me. It made me choose.

It's all about making a right choice. I did. I knew that I can only be truly happy if I continue writing...otherwise, I would only be miserable. So, I took chance. Did what my heart said to me. And I am happy....very happy. Now, I am assured that when I would look back after 30 years or so, I can always assure myself that in the end, I did something I love.

Do leave a review if you liked this poem of mine :)

- Aapki, Mahi


  1. Wow...it was a mind blowing poem. I really loved it.

  2. @ Mahak- Nice poem .

    Haan making a choice at this point was very difficult even for me and like you I would never regret my decision :)

  3. Hi Mahak..lovely poem.. i am still wondering at this age u r so talented.. u can go places.. this talent is something not only can please others feelings but give ur heart a satisfaction..whatver u do ..keep writing.and smiling.. great work..tc

  4. @Paris- Thanks a lot Paris..

    It means a lot to me. And glad you loved it.

  5. @Harsh Sir- Thenk you...*written as i pronounced it*

    Yup...making a choice that affects your whole life is not an easy job. I have been through that turmoil, and at one point of time, I felt like I would go mad. But, my only sanity was left due to poems and writing pieces I wrote to remove my mind from everything. There are so many poems that I wrote about my confusion.

    I wish that life never gives you an opportunity for you to regret your choice. And as for me, I know...I am not gonna regret my decision...coz I am doing something in which I find solace.

  6. @Bhoomi Di- God...I missed you di...I really did. Facebook par bhi aap nahi aate the...I thought ki aap mujhe bhool hi gaye ho...

    Thanks di. Coming a compliment from such a great writer like you, is an honor. I would keep writing di. I can't stop even if I want to.

    Thank you for thinking that I am talented. Yeah,, basically, I only write for myself. It gives me inner peace.

    Thanks again, u too keep smiling...take care. And missed you.

  7. Mahak u made a real gud decision...and i m sure that u would never regret it....all d best fr ur future!!!!:)))

  8. Lovely wishes Mahak..thanks for that and I know you are gonna rock as a writer !

  9. @Roopali - Thanks yaar...best of luck for your future too.

    Yup, I made a great decision...I am doing something I love to do. So, it's stress-free for me.

    One thing is sure yaar, I am never gonna regret it. Bas main school mein confused thi, Now i have changed. I am no longer hesitant to participate in anything too :D

    I miss you girls...

  10. @Harsh Sir- I hope so...And welcome :)

  11. I loved how you define 'a pain' by making it 'this pain' something specific and personal. Subtle but significant in terms of composition. Finely done.

    I loved how you embrace the pain, seek to understand it rather than ignore it out of ignorance or numb it away into insignificance. You realize that it hurts for a reason. Here you define 'this pain' as wisdom, which is very astute. I loved how you capture those moments where emotions blind side us, catching us aware. Lovely.

    Then 'this pains' companion, confusion. Again nicely woven in, juxtaposing it against that first verse. The conflict of heart vs mind, that fierce fight between both where upon your soul sets loose tears to abate the fevour.

    That last image 'mud toy' is wondrous. Something malleable, something expendable? True, this life is not just for play, not a rehearsal either.

    We must choose that which will leave no regrets.

    A lovely expression of your soul's condition. I am glad to know that this region finally found peace and did not have to settle for a truce.

  12. @ Sabah - Thanks a lot yaar. I am glad for that.

    And like I said, your comments always are the main thing. Coz you are a perfect reader and perfect analyzer.

    I truly believe that pain can’t be ignored. It can be understood and then healed. Yup, I truly believe that it hurts for a reason. There is reason for everything. Thank you :)

    Yeah! Exactly! Whoever wins: heart or mind, the soul is being torn apart. Glad you understood.

    Thanks a ton.

    Thank you, well I added a subtle irony here. I mean, we all are mud toys, but we are something more than that.

    Yup, we must always choose something we love, coz the thing you love, would be best done.

    Thanks yaar. I am glad that I could portray my emotions. I had a hard time in choosing the thing for my life. I couldn’t make a trust with my life. After all, it was my life!

    I chose something I find solace in. One thing is sure yaar, I am never gonna regret it. Bas main school mein confused thi, Now i have changed. I am no longer hesitant to participate in anything too :D