Wednesday, July 17, 2013
I Still Love You.. (Short Story)
I still love you...
28th July, 2005
I felt like I was drowning. Where was I, by the way? I felt like I was in the dark pool of some liquid. I could hear some distant voices, calling out my name. I was trying to swim and reach the surface. I was trying harder and harder, but as soon as I reached a little closer to the surface, something pulled me back. And I went drowning. Where the hell was I? What had happened?
The only source of freedom and light came from a voice. The voice was beckoning me to wake up, urging me to open my eyes. The voice was stirring some unknown emotions in me and I was trying to stay awake. I think that my only strength to fight with this darkness came from the voice.
“Bella, please wake up. You have to. For me. For us. You have to wake up Bella, you have to.”
The voice sounded like crushed velvets. It was so melodious and beautiful, that I could get lost in it. But who was this person and why was he calling my name? What is he doing here? Do I know him? Why is he asking me to wake up? Am I sleeping? Why am I feeling that I know him closely? But who knows? All my memories are getting washed away by the water. I could feel myself almost forgetting everything.
“Bella, are you trying to torture me? If yes, then, you are succeeding. I can’t see you in this pain, anymore. And I am not letting you go. I love you.”
Who was this person? Why did he love me? Am I torturing him? Why can’t he see me in this pain? Can he see me drowning? If yes, then why isn’t he saving me? Why isn’t he sending people down there to throw some life jackets? If he loves me, then why isn’t he saving me? What the hell is happening?
“I know I was wrong. But I didn’t ever wish to see you in pain. I love you.”
What? What was that about? Why was he wrong? Before I could think of more questions and possibilities, I felt a teardrop fall on my hands. I certainly knew that it was of this voice. Why is he crying? Why can’t I see him? Why are his emotions and the pain in his voice, stirring thousands of emotions in me? Why do I want to wipe off his tears? I so wanted to reach out to him. I swam faster to hit the shore. Am I falling for this unknown yet known voice?
But then I heard another voice, an indication of someone else coming in the room. I stilled my actions to hear what the person has to say. I wish that the other person throws light on my savior’s voice. But then I heard a name, which froze me completely.
“Edward, I am afraid that you might have to leave her side. She must rest.”
Was I unknowingly giving my Edward pain? I feel so bad for him. I wanted to wake up, for him. For us. I didn’t mean to torture him. I don’t even know why I can’t open my eyes! I can’t see him crying. Oh Edward, I wish I could reply back to you.
“But Jake, I am not leaving her side until she wakes up from coma. I am the one responsible for this accident. If only I had not left her alone, then it wouldn’t have had happened. I am not leaving her side ever again.”
Why was he responsible? He never caused the accident! It was our own mutual decision that he would have to go to his native place to meet Alice and his new-born niece. He didn’t even want to leave my side! So how could he have caused this? My stupid boyfriend! And am I in a coma? Why? What had happened? Why was Jake here?
“But Edward, it’s already two months since her accident. You are just staying here and looking after her. Your parents are worried for you. You haven’t had a sleep for three whole days! As your friend and her doctor, I must ask you to take care of yourself before you fall ill.”
What? He hadn’t gone home for three whole days? I was lying here for two months? I am so bad. I feel so helpless, I wish I could atleast speak. If I had been there, I would have asked him to take care of himself.
“How can I eat something when she can’t even open her eyes? How can I leave her when anytime she can open her eyes? I want her to see me first after opening her eyes.”
Oh my Edward! I do want to open my eyes, but for that I must know if my eyes are closed. I am just in a dark area. I am trying to swim, and I think my eyes are open.
“She is in coma Edward! It’s not like you would go to eat something and she would just open her eyes and then runaway. It takes time for the patient to improve. It can even take her years. And it has already been two months. You can just go and have some rest. If I see any kind of improvement, I would inform you.”
I can take time to improve? Why doesn’t he go away? He had to take care of himself! Only if I could speak, I would ask him to take care of him. I don’t want to wake up to find him unshaven and his bronze messy hairs falling apart. I don’t want to even find dark circles under his emerald eyes. I swear if he didn’t took care of himself, then I would kill him. I can feel his hands gripping mine and holding me tightly.
“Jake, it’s my decision. I am not leaving her. I love her and I am here to stay. It’s final. It doesn’t matter how much time she takes to recover. I am here for her, waiting.”
I didn’t know that I could feel more for him. I already loved him, and I felt like falling for him all over again. His confidence in me gave me a new reason to fight. And a new reason to swim back.
28th July, 2007
Days were passing by and soon two years had passed. I couldn’t believe that the surface could be that far away. I could hear Edward’s voice reaching out for me, daily. Well, almost daily. The first six months had been very crucial in our lives. At one stage, I couldn’t decide whether to give up or fight back.
Edward kept coming back and whispered assurances in my ears. He wanted me to wake up. I tried, as much as I could. I tried swimming out and reaching the end of this dark tunnel. I was loosing hope, but the only thing that encouraged me, was my Edward’s voice. I could hear helplessness and pain in his voice.
How I wish I could reach out and wipe off his tears. How I wished that I could wake up for him. But I was helpless, I couldn’t do anything. I had realized that I might never wake up again and I might loose Edward forever. I had heard his father coming and suggesting him to move on. Who could blame Carlisle?
If I had been at his place, seeing his handsome son crying over a lifeless body, I would have been paranoid. I can’t really blame Carlisle, infact I myself wanted Edward to move on. I didn’t want to hear him crying for me…his comatose girlfriend. Agreed, he loved me and I loved him like anything, but I guess I didn’t want him to suffer due to me.
But the first six months, he had been stuck to me like a leech. I couldn’t remember the time when he was away. But after six months, the duration of his visits were shortened. Not that I blame him, but I could feel myself hoping against odds to see him again. And then slowly and slowly, I could feel him slipping away. His visits shortened from seven days in a week to once in a week.
But he made sure to visit me every once a week. He told me all about his life. He shared everything about him with me. He told me how new girls were asking him out and how he was having a hard time to turn them down. He urged to wake up soon. He told me about his first day at the hospital. Yes, my Edward was a doctor.
He shared everything with me, nothing hidden. He even told me how he tried to date some girls after much persuasion from Esme and Carlisle. How he couldn’t even like one because those weren’t me. I wish I could tell him to stop looking me in other girls, because they could never be me. I wanted him to forget me.
But it seemed impossible. Every time he went, he never forgot to kiss my forehead and whisper ‘I love you’ in my ears. I wish I could tell him how much I wanted to kiss him when he said that. I wish I could tell him how much I wanted to whisper ‘I love you too’ back at him. Sometimes I think it’s useless to even try and fight back the darkness, but when I think of Edward, I get my reasons.
I am trying…trying very hard to win this battle. I don’t want to loose my Edward.
28th July, 2010
I guess five years have taught me to accept things. I have accepted that I am never going to wake up ever again. And I have accepted the fact that slowly and slowly I am loosing my Edward. Although he visits me once in a month, especially on this date, but I know that I have lost him partially. He is moving on from me.
Although I myself wanted this to happen, but I can’t tolerate the ache it gave me. It pained when he told me about Giselle. Yup, he had started dating a girl named Giselle and the way he told me about her answered all my doubts. He was slowly and slowly falling for her. And it was hurting me badly.
He described each detail of her. It started from the way she smiles to the way her blue eyes seem like a deep ocean. Gosh! I can’t believe this. I am getting jealous of a girl I have never even seen. But I can’t even see her, because I know that I would never be opening my eyes. Although I still wish that I could.
Edward has been dating her for more than two years. The first time he told me about her, I came to know that he was infatuated with her. She was his co-worker and his teammate in various surgeries. And when he slowly started telling me about their dates and the kisses they shared, I almost lost my will to fight back.
I don’t know why, but Edward loved telling me about the things happening in his life. He didn’t understood the pain it gave me, he felt like sharing. I knew about his habit. He wasn’t deliberately giving me pain. It was his habit to share everything with me. We used to be best friends and he never hid anything from me. Even before realizing our love for each other, he used to share his feelings for someone else, with me. It was a natural thing for us to do. But this time, it stung badly.
28th July, 2011
One more year had passed away like the wind. There was still no change in my condition. And even the day had started like anything. But I had a very bad feeling about it. I somehow knew that today would be the last time, Edward would come to me. I had a feeling of a bad omen. I sincerely wished that all my fears were baseless.
I could hear Edward’s footsteps coming inside. Somehow it made me feel that this was the last time when I would hear his footsteps. He held my hand, and I could feel a sudden pull on them. Something was terribly wrong. There was surely something that was bothering him. I knew the small things he did when he was nervous.
“Bella, I hope you are listening to me. I know that it’s been long since I have last visited you. But today, I want to tell you something very important. I have decided to move on in my life. I am marrying Giselle.”
I don’t know why it matters to me anymore. I knew it was bound to happen. But it gave me heartbreak. I felt that I have lost him. My heart broke completely. I felt my world crashing down upon me. I felt tears threatening to fall on my cheeks. I could feel some of my tears seeking through my eyes. But before I could respond, I felt two hands wiping them off my cheeks. Who could it be except him? I could feel his soft hands, his tender touch. I could feel the polite and loving touch of him. He still bore the Jakee loving touch.
“Ssshhh…don’t cry Bella. I can’t see you in pain. Although it’s true that I am marrying Giselle and moving on in life, but I can never forget you. Deep in my heart, I still love you.”
He gave me a simple kiss on my forehead. I thought that he was moving away, when I felt his lips on mine. They still felt the Jakee to me except the fact that this time, I couldn’t respond to him. But I stored this last piece of our contact in my memory. I only had this moment to cherish in my whole life. When he pulled away, I felt my life support was detached from me. I wanted to hate him for leaving me alone and moving on in his life, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I still loved him.
“I guess it’s a goodbye to you. I don’t know when you would recover, or when we would meet again. But always remember the fact that I have always loved you. You were my first love. Although I love Giselle now, but you would always have a piece of my heart. It’s just that I can’t wait for you, anymore. I have to move on Bella, I have to. I am so sorry, but I have fallen for Giselle. But despite loving Giselle, I still love you. And I would love you till eternity.”
And with this, he went away from my life. And I lost the only thing that kept me from drowning. I had lost the battle. I had lost my will to live. I had lost my life. I had lost him completely to someone else. I felt myself surrendering to the darkness completely.
This was written 2 years back.
Sorry for the tragic ending, but sometimes life doesn’t gives us another chance. And it would have been impractical to show that Edward kept waiting for her. Come-on, it’s not reality. No one waits for someone for eternity. And I sincerely hope that you like this short story as this is the first time when I am publishing a story with a tragic ending. Always remember that moving on is the other name for life. Even though moving on can hurt you like hell, sometimes it’s the only option you have.
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