Happy Father's Day

So, Today is the day when I get to show my appreciation to you. I know, there are people who criticize people celebrating these days, claiming that one should love their parents everyday. Well, in my opinion, it's not about the love you have for your parents. Ofcourse you love them everyday. The day is special because everyday can't be special. This day, atleast we can make an effort to thank and show our gratitude towards our parents, which we don't do every day. Anyways, back to the thing.

Dear Papa,

Wish you a very Happy Father's Day. You have always been there to support me and my dreams. You have been my personal Santa. I have been spoiled rotten by you, for you tend to give me everything I want. 

During Christmas Eve, you used to stuff my socks with candies and chocolates so that I can live my fairytale of 'Santa giving me candies'. Well, I have always loved candies more than any gifts. I love you for letting me maintain my faith in magic.

You have fulfilled every desire and dream of mine. You have given me more than I ever wanted or deserved. I fight with you when you don't give me what I want, but that's because you have always given me whatever I ever wanted. (I still want my car, asap.)

I remember the Mr. Monkey which you gave me after I walked, exactly 1000 steps, like you promised. But then, you always fulfill your promises, don't you? The best part is, we are too alike. I am exactly like you. I am your carbon copy, says everyone. We have same likes, same dislikes, same favourite colour, same way of completing work, same methods about stuff, etc and yeah, (unfortunately) same nose.
 
I remember trying to put on your shoes and my legs being too short to take a single step in them. I remember you laughing at my antics and loving me. I have reached your shoulder length today. And still nothing has changed. I will always be your little girl. I still never go to give any exam before having a forehead kiss from you. It was, it is, and it always will be my lucky charm.
 
Thank you for everything you have done. Thank you for being there.

Thanks for being the best father in the world. 

I love you Papa. 

I don't need to say more, for you know how much I love you.

 Your Princess.

I am not sharing my picture here due to obvious reasons.

- Mahak

To my Aashi...

Hmm… I am expected to write about you, huh?


What do you write about the person, for whom you live?


What can you write about the person... who matters the most in this world?


How can you explain, in words, the bond between two siblings?


Aise, I am excellent at describing anyone's feelings in words... But, try as I may... I suck when it comes to describing my feelings....


Phir bhi... it's worth giving a try. :P


Let's start with your looks:


You already know that you are the most beautiful girl in the entire world for me. 


You know how fida I am over your hair... 


You know how much I love your eyes... 


You know how much I always want to pull your cheeks... 


You know how great your height is... 


And how much I love the way you do nautanki and stuff.


The only one:


You are the only girl… whom I never scolded… even for breaking my precious childhood toys. Infact, I gave you more to break them.


You are the only girl who scolds me for wasting my pocket money in buying cosmetics... yet asks me to share them :P


You are the only girl who scolds me, when when I am already crying, saying that "Ab jab ro hi rahi ho toh yeh bhi sun lo..." :D


You are the only one… whose tantrums I tolerate. *poor me*


You are the only one… for whom I can give up my life.


You are the only one… who is the closer to me… than our parents.


You are the only one… who fight with me at very minute things and the next moment love me.


You show as if you don’t love me… say that you don’t love me… but then, your actions say otherwise.


You are the only one for whom, I can even commit murder. *remembers the guys she had beaten up for trying to mess with you* *sighs*


I hate the way:


I hate how you never let me cuddle with you. I do get the chance sometimes.


I hate when you don’t talk to me. Even though it’s my fault sometimes.


I hate the way we fight for small- small things. Yet, they make up for our life.


I hate the way you irritate me. Even though my day seems incomplete without that.


I hate the way you never let me kiss you. Even though I kiss you every night on your forehead.


I hate the way you make me do anything you like. But hey! I am not complaining.


I hate the way you always get things out of me, even when I am not ready to share them. But then, I feel very light afterwards.


Some random things that I like:


Whenever we fight, we say “Ab main tumse kabhi bhi baat nahi karungi.” And the next moment, we are like “Tumhe pata hai kya…”


Whenever we make stuff, we always want to share it with each other.


Whenever you try to grab my attention towards yourself, when I am reading a book or am on computer, you always say, “Sun bhi rahi ho? Yahi novel or computer tumhari duniya hai. Main toh kuch hun hi nahi.” Lol. You look tooooo cute. And trust me, I was listening. *exception novel case, coz you know I get lost in another world*


A confession:


You know what? When I was young and ma-papa told me that they were going to bring me someone to play with, I prayed to have a sister. I loved playing with dolls… so I prayed God for a live doll. I used to think that babies are kept in a showcase in the doctor’s cabin and papa would buy one for me. So, I used to pester him every day and tell him about my wishes. 


I used to tell him, “Papa, get one thing clear. I want a choti si baby jiske saath main roz roz khel sakoon. Uski pyaari pyaari do ankhein hongi aur woh bahut sundar hogi. Lekin main use kisi ke saath share nahi karoongi. Kabhi nahi.”


Yeah, right. I was very possessive for you, even before your birth. And you know how possessive I feel for you, even though you hate it. But kya karun bachcha? You are my deepest wish… how can I share you with anyone else?


When you were born, I thought I got everything. But NO, God had to test a child’s patience. Ma was very weak. She couldn’t take care of you and me both. So, naniji took you away with her for a year.


During that one year, I pined for you. I was just a kid… waiting for my sister… my only sibling… to come back to me. Each day, I used to ask papa about your return. Each day I used to fight with ma… because she sent you away. Each day I used to ask innocently, “Meri behen kab wapas aayegi?”


Everyone used to give me false hopes that you would come back the next day. Or that they would take me with you, if I eat this or that. I remember everything. They used to pacify me with gifts and chocolates. But nothing… nothing could replace your image from my mind.


In my small little world, you were a gift… a blessing to me… which was taken away by naniji. You won’t believe how much I hated naniji for that. Yeah, I used to cry and say, “Main ab naniji se kabhi baat nahi karungi. She took you away from me.”


Then the time came... when I met you after months of torment. I went inside naniji’s house and immediately asked about you. I didn’t even hug my family members. I went inside to catch a glimpse of you. The first sight of yours, took my breath away.


How can I forget a white skinned, with two ponies on her head, girl? You were wearing a blue denim wib-frock. You were as pretty as one could be. You were scribbling on paper… making lines on the card.


When I tried to hug you, you cried. My heart broke into thousand pieces. I went away in another room and started crying loudly. When everyone wanted to pacify me, I told them that I would never talk to them for snatching away MY sister.


But then they explained that it would take time for you to accept me. I don’t know how I understood that. But I knew, if patience was the thing that would bring you to me, so be it. I wanted you in my life… more than anything else. And with as much patience a child can have, I got you back.


When you came back, I never let anyone touch you. I was always like, “Yeh meri behen hai. Sirf meri.” I used to cuddle with you, make you sleep properly and take care of you. You were just like my own doll… and I loved to care for you and fend for you. I felt happy when you looked at me with those huge innocent eyes, lying in my lap.


Initially, I was also very insecure. You know why? It was because… I was a very pampered girl. I got all the attention from my parents, our taujis and taijis, as poore ghar mein… I was the only child, after years. So, when you came, I had to share everything with you. Including my parents. 


This made me a little insecure and very jealous of you. I was papa’s princess. I was ready to share everything except my papa-mummy. But I had to. I learnt that you had equal rights over them like me.


Even when I was insecure, I loved you in my own way. I loved you like a kid. You still are my bachcha for me. And I would always protect you… no matter how much you hate that. I am always going to be possessive of you... and for that, I can only ask you to co-operate.


I love the way:


I love the way you make me smile… even when there are tears in my eyes.


I love the way you scold me hard… whenever I do something bad.


I love when you call me ‘Di’…. Cause that makes me feel special.


I love how we share a blanket and cuddle in the cold.


I love how you share EVERYTHING about your life with me… making me feel blessed.


I love when you get jealous with my novels and computer. Lol.


In the end:


Okay, I know this one was quite long, still… I have soooo many things left to say.


And I even know your reaction. You are gonna say, “So cheesy :P”


Chal, so I won’t say much more… won’t take up much of your time. As you already know how special you are to me… how precious you are for me. And I won’t leave any chance to show you that.


Before closing this short summary on my feelings for you, and yes, it is short for only God knows how many pages will fill up before I try to write a brief about my feelings for you, let me say one last thing.


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1) Highlight The Numbers
2) Press Ctrl and f.. all numbers will be silverized
3) Leave ctrl + F and Press 9 and that's what I wanna say... <3


- Your and only yours, Mahak Di <3

To Aashi,

To my baby (Aashi),


- You are the only Tom that this Jerry has got.


- You are the only forever-best-friend that is meant to be.


- Our relationship is the best one so far.


- We fight, laugh, argue, cuddle, love, have fun etc... and do every thing which makes it beautiful.


- I cannot imagine a day spent without talking to you (this includes talking on phone.)


- You already know that you are the most precious person in my life.


- The best part in our relationship is that, when we fight and the other one is hurt, we don't see who started the fight. We simply make amends, even if it was the other's fault. We don't have 'ego problem' between us.


- When we fight, we say many hurting things. But the other person knows that those things hold no meaning.


- The best thing about me, is you.


I love you more than I can ever show. You have always been a baby to me. Unlike you, I have absolutely no qualms in admitting how much you mean to me. For I believe that when you love someone, you have to tell them that you do. <3 <3<3


Wishing you a one-day advance happy birthday. You are going to turn fifteen this year. I can't believe how fast you grew up. I mean, it seemed not long time ago, that you were gently placed in my arms. Anyways, before I get nostalgic, let me wish you a very happy advance birthday. May this birthday be the best one in your life. <3


Only yours,
Mahak :)

9th, 8th and 7th day advance!

9th Day!

Aashi Goel- Happy 9-day advance birthday...!! ♥:) I am so waiting for my babu's birthday..!! ♥ Baby, you are amazing and lovely... and not to forget, the most important person in this whole world to me..!! Wishing you a very Happy birthday to you...!! ♥♥♥

8th Day!

Aashi- Happy advance 8-day bday :) ♥ I know that I may have started bugging you... but you know it's my love for you.. :) ♥ Wishing you all the happiness in life... May all your dreams come true... blah blah. I mean, I wonder why do people say all these stuff? I don't need to tell you all this, after all, you are my baby-sister! And ofcourse I wish all these things for you! :D So yeah, enjoy! love you a lot more se bhi zyada! ♥♥♥ :*

7th Day!


Aashi - Happy advance-7-days birthday :P I hope tujhe in posts ki aadat pad gai hai. Anyways, See, what all I do for you! I baked a chocolate cake today, so that I can see if it will come out the same on your birthday. I am learning from my mistakes so that on your birthday, it comes out perfect. I just hope this one is as yummy as it looks. :D

Anyways, what can I ever gift you on your birthday? You know that you just need to say it... and I will do it. Atleast, try to. *added this so that her little sister does not gets filmy and asks for starts type of thing* :P

You know, even though I am just 4.5 years elder to you, you still are like a baby to me. You have no idea how desperate I was to meet you, after you are born.. and hold you in my arms. And I am proud to say that, between papa-mummy and me, I was the first one to embrace you.

I love you baby... ♥ You were the first one to call me 'didi' even though you do not call that to me now. You were the first one to evoke feelings of possessiveness, love, care, share etc in me. I have been a pampered girl. Whatever I asked, I was given. But I didn't know how to share. But sharing my toys with you gave me such joy... which keeping them never gave.

Rest for tomorrow... As the day of your birthday is approaching, my posts will get longer :P Enjoy reading them :P:D:D:D


These posts are for Aashi (my younger sister) whose birthday is coming :) <3


- Mahak

Happy Birthday Ma!

To mummy,

A very happy birthday to you mumma...!! <3

I know that everyone thinks that it's such a big co-incidence that your birthday falls right after your anniversary. But, it isn't a co-incidence, right? ;) We all know about this plan. My nanaji wanted you to leave the house, the day you came. Wow. I so love my nanaji for planning this out. Even though I haven't ever seen or known my nanaji, I thank him. His idea was too romantic, if you see.

I love you mumma... more than anyone else in this world. *again, excluding papa and Aashi*

Everyone thinks that I don't get angry nor do I feel low. But you are the only one who gets to see my dejected self; who comforts me when I feel down; who understands me better than anyone else; who scolds me when I make a mistake; who tolerates all my tantrums I throw when something doesn't goes my way; who helps me sit down when I am tooo happy and jumping on my bed; who smiles seeing me smile.

You are the only one who tolerates all the fuss I make when I don't like something; the first one to fight with me when I am wrong; who waits for me at food because you know that I can't eat alone and I need someone to eat with me or I won't bother eating; the only one who is concerned about my health; the only one who calls me when I am late to return from my college; who treats me as a two-year old kid even though I am technically an adult.

You are the one who press my head when it hurts. You make that tasteless yet healthy food for me when I fall ill. You shop for clothes for me as you know that I just hate shopping. You hear all my dramas in the morning and still manage to get me out of the bed on time. How you do so much for me, I wouldn't ever know.

You are the only one who knows what I need and what I don't. You know that I need cold-coffee in the morning to cheer me up. You know how sweet sugary things make me happy. You are familiar with all my habits. You know what I can do and what I can't. Basically, you are the rhythm to the daily song of my life. You are the bane of my existence.

I love you, more than these mere words can express.You know how much I love you. My actions, words, gestures, emotions and everything possible shows that. You are my life. Me loves you more than I love ice-creams and cakes...!! 

I don't know what I would do, without you in my life. Frankly speaking, I don't even want to think. I have you, and that's what it all matters. 

Yours only,

Mahak

Meeting her...

To Simmy,

In my life, since I started writing, I have met many people who have called me their 'inspiration'. It felt good. It felt heavenly to know that someone there appreciates your work and learns something from you. Whenever I heard that I am an 'inspiration' to someone, I felt like I did something worthwhile. I realized that yes, I made the right choice for me.

And today, I met someone who had inspired me to go on. Who had told me never to back down and go for what my heart says. Who had begged me to think about what MY heart says rather than what my brain says. She was responsible for bringing me out of my shell. She had told me that "Mahi, go for writing, for you won't be happy otherwise."

I had this fear in my heart that being a writer was an immature thing. I was running after the so-called 'practicality'. I used to treat my skills as mere time-pass thing. She was the one with whom I shared my deepest desires. She knew my fear of rejection. I was scared to tell my parents that what I truly wanted, was to be a writer.

She told me that my parents only want my happiness. They won't like it if I am not happy. I was scared. I was scared to confess that I wanted to continue writing, and not be a doctor. But she gave me the strength. She made me understand that no matter what, I shouldn't give up on my writing.

Writing always made me truly happy. During the boring classes, only telling her about my new piece of work, brought a smile on my face. She loved that. She told me that I had this 'Gift from God' and I shouldn't go for something that my heart doesn't truly long for.

She brought the inner child in me. She brought me back from my shell. I had been hurt by my closest friends, so she helped me to heal. She made me a carefree girl. With her, I was always this kid, who loved to explore things. Various people called her 'too philosophical', but only I knew the loving side of her.

I still have her notes with me. I have all of them written and kept with me. I cherish them. They still make me smile and blush. She was the only one who knew what I wanted. Everyone else told me to go for doctory, but she, being a true friend, told me to close my eyes and let my heart guide me.

She had said, "Mahi, don't do this. What if you become a doctor and can't give your 100%? You know, your one mistake can save or take a life. Can you forgive yourself after that?"

And this was the first question that set my mind rolling. How could I take any chances? How could I, not only break my heart, but also rob someone's life? 'What ifs' have always scared me. And I couldn't risk this. I would have killed myself (and I am not just saying) if anything had happened to another soul due to me.

And how could I be a successful doctor, if my mind and heart was not fully into it?

So, today, we met after a year. When you asked me what I was doing, I felt so much pride in replying 'English Honours'. I am so irrevocably happy. Not only did I made myself happy, but a small part of my heart was happy because I didn't let you down. I felt satisfied when I saw that happy smile on your face.

The first thing I had wanted to do, after I chose this field, was to tell you. But then, your phone was off. Always. I didn't realsie until now, how much I longed for your acceptance. I realized that I had been missing you. I had wanted you to know about my decision. I had wanted you to know everything.

And now that you know, I feel finally at peace.

Now you know, that my heart finally won over my mind. That 'Mahi' inside this 'Mahak' had come out in open. That Mahi had defeated the strong-headed Mahak and had won over her. Finally, Mahi is what Mahak is.

When you said 'I love you' today, I felt so happy. I felt like I finally got you back. I had so much to tell you today, but we both didn't had time. I felt so clogged with emotions, that it was difficult for me to speak. Even though you took my number, who knows when would we be talking next, for you don't have a phone. But if you ever come to read this blog-post of mine, you know what I wanted to say today.

I actually do love you, Sim.

You are responsible for me, being here.

Atleast now, whatever I do, I know it would be my decision. I won't regret anything. I won't regret being something I wanted. I won't regret being a writer. I won't regret being myself.

And I am happy. Very happy.

Even if I face any ups-and-downs in my life, I know that I will happily handle them. They may make me pause and think. But they can't make me regret.

I miss you. I miss you a LOT and I miss your hugs the most.

When I say 'I love you', I mean it. And in your case, you can hear it in my voice or in the tears of joy in my eyes. 

I love you Sim, a lot se bhi zyada.

Yours only,

Mahi

For replying to any post of this blog, simply click on 'Name/Url' option and just fill up your name and 'continue'. Or use 'anonymous' replies but put your name in the last line :)

I am not missing you.... [My feelings....]

It's about missing someone badly...and still denying it. It's about loving someone to your death, still denying about it. It's about Expressing your emotions. It's about loving someone so much, that you can't even stay one day without her/him.

You guys can imagine it on any couple you want....it can be viewed as your perspective....i mean like a wife writing to his husband, when he has gone out of station....a sister writing to her sister while she is away....or anything you wish for.....this is a letter...a letter expressing some intricate feelings of love....and how much the person does 'not miss' the other person...

 

15th March, 2011

Hey…

Hmm, well, I am writing this, just to let you know that I am so not missing you.

How can I miss you when I am so free? When you were there, I had to share my computer with you. And now I am free. It’s all mine. Everything is all mine! I am extremely happy to be able to get rid of you.

I am so happy that you are gone. Now you won’t be able to fight with me. I am happy that I don’t have to fight for various things with you. I mean, who cares about you? I am happy that I am all alone.

You know how much I love being alone. Now I can study peacefully. You aren’t there to disturb me, or open up the computer to distract me. You aren’t here to ask me to dance, without my consent. Thank God! I don’t have to bear up watching all your perfect moves.

I don’t have to feel insecure of you. I don’t need to feel like I am worthless. And yeah, I don’t have to bear your non-stop irritating thoughts too. I mean, who cares about you, anyways? You always just irritate me. So, I don’t care about you at all.

I am not at all missing you. How can I? You have only gone today. And I don’t even care about you. It’s just that, I don’t want you to cry for me. It’s so because of a fact that I am not missing you. And if you would cry, then your eyes would give you a burning sensation and you won’t be able to enjoy anything. But then, who cares about your eyes?

And if mother tells you that I was crying for you, then don’t believe her. She is just making up things. I was crying because I don’t know anything about my papers. I am just worried about my exams, and that’s why I am crying. Not for you. Why would I cry for you? I have my room all by myself!

I can rest on any side of the bed, without you telling me that it’s your room too. I can peacefully sleep on my side of the bed, without asking you to move back on your side and you telling me that the entire room if yours and you can lie on either side you like.

Just so you know I am not missing you. I can sleep peacefully, without worrying that you would shift on my side. And without waking up to check on you, whether you are still tucked up in the blanket or not. I don’t have to care about all these anymore. I don’t have to spoil my sleep for you.

Now that you have gone, I have my house, all to myself. I can eat anything I want, without saving anything for you. I can even hug your favorite hamburger style pillow, and you won’t be able to stop me. I can even dirty it and throw it on the floor. Now won’t be able to hug it when you sleep. I can do anything I please. I am free and I am alone. What else can I ask for?

Just to tell you, I am using your image as my mobile wallpaper. Not because I miss you and want to watch it when I cry, or to kiss my screen when I feel lonely, but it’s because I clicked this picture when you were not paying attention to me. I am so going to show this picture of you to everyone, and make fun of you. And you won’t be able to stop me.

And besides, I am so happy that you are gone for few days. Now I can keep things to myself, without you forcing things out of me. You won’t be there to ask me about my feelings and make me confess about them. And thank God, I got rid of you. Now I don’t have to hug you or console you, when you cry about some random people, who have hurt you. I don’t have to listen to the things you say.

You know what? I am happy that you are away for a few days. Now I don’t have to cry in front of you. You know how I hate to cry in front of anyone! And you always make me cry, by making me pour out my feelings or point of view about things. You know how I prefer to be silent and keep things to myself. And you! You always force things out of me, and make me feel light hearted.

Now you won’t be able to do that for a few days and I would be able to keep things to myself. I can keep my calm and be silent like always. I can go into my ‘non-caring’ mode and you won’t be able to force me to care. Now no one would be able to make me show my emotional and sensitive side to anyone. I can be hard and practical.

You won’t even irritate me and demand for things, when I am busy watching television or playing on computer. Now you won’t use me and my things. And my nail polishes are safe from you. You can’t use them until you return. And meanwhile, I can play with my computer. You won’t peek into my cupboard and ask for all the eatables inside.

I can keep my goodies inside and eat them alone. I don’t have to share them with you. I can eat them and you won’t be able to do anything. I can demand things from papa, and you won’t be able to ask for your share. It’s so nice that you are gone. I am not going to miss you at all.

There are so many things, which I can do, to prove you that I am not missing you. Not at all! But all the while, I am missing you. While writing that ‘I am not missing you’, all I can think is how much I miss you. All I want to do is, to cross the distance and come for you. I just wish to hug you till you sleep. I just wish to kiss you on your forehead and watch you change poses. All I want is, to tuck you properly in our blanket and ruffle you hair.

All I want is to irritate you. All I truly want is to fight with you. All I want is to have you sleep besides me. I just wish to kiss you softly on your cheeks and watch you change poses in your sleep. I know that you would never allow me to kiss you, when you are awake. You hate it. It’s just that, one day, I wish that you would be able to reciprocate the same feelings that I have for you.

I know that you are not going to miss me. Why would you? You would have the people of your age, surrounding you. You don’t even have to fight with anyone for anything. You must be happy to be there with people, who would give you anything you wish for.

I know you must be happy that you won’t have to do any work. I know that you might not want to come back again. Although I know how much you love me, still I want to hear it coming from your mouth. Although I know that you won’t miss me, I so wish that you miss me as much as I do.

And yeah, I won’t eat up all the things. Why would I? I know it’s you plan to make me get fat. You want me to look ugly and you to remain slim and beautiful. I won’t let that happen! When you would return, I would force you to eat them! I would force you to eat them all! Then you would get fat and I would become slim.

And yeah, about the pillow part, I so am going to hug it. I would hug it and won’t return it to you. Then you would cry for it! Serves you right, for leaving me alone. I would even hug your teddy when I sleep. And I would hide it and make you believe that you lost it. I would steal your things from your cupboard and you would never know that I stole them.

And this is your punishment for leaving me. And if you want to save your things from getting stolen, then return to me, immediately. I don’t care about anything! I would surely do that. It’s because I hate you. I hate you for leaving me alone.

And as much as I know that you love me and you are going to miss me, I am choosing to believe that you aren’t going to. It’s because I don’t want to be a part of your memories, but your reality. And despite knowing that you would return after 15 days or so, I am hurt and crying for you. Despite the fact, that you went today only, I am already missing you.

The room feels lonely without you. I am missing the part when you irritate me. Although I say, that I love silence and peace, this silence is killing me. I feel trapped and alone. I can’t seem to smile. You have to come back and return my smile. I hate being sensitive and to shed my tears in front of everyone, so you have to come back sooner, and wipe them off.

And despite saying that I hate the way you irritate me and make me pour out my heart, I am expecting you to come and make me blurt out everything. I miss being irritated by you. I miss being distracted by you. I miss being angered by you. I miss being made fun of. I miss your showing me off, whenever I try to hug you or kiss you.

Although I say that I am not missing you, the fact is that, I am missing you. Love you to my death. And I miss you. I truly do. Come back soon.

Missing you…already…

Hey...guys this is the oneshot i wrote for my sister....i know.....i know that it's unhealthy to miss someone that badly...i know that...but i can't help it.....can i?? And this was written the day she went to my nani's house....just on the same day...and today, after two days, i am still like that....

Published on my fb id - http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=189275117776669

And  yeah, i truly miss you sis...love you Aashi...just too much...

 

P.S. - All my works on I-F are under this link ... Dark Temptations